At our ob/gyn appt on Tuesday we toured the NICU. I didn't expect it to affect me so much, but the minute I turned the corner and saw those tiny little babies I just burst into tears. I can't believe our girls will be THAT small, all alone in their little isolettes, possibly with tubes coming out of them. It's one thing to see pictures of preemies, but it's an entirely different thing to see them in person. My sadness doesn't come from guilt that my body can't carry them to term. I am really good about not blaming myself for anything that has happened during this pregnancy. I'm just sad that these girls will likely come into this world fighting harder than any baby should. I guess I am also sad that I will not be allowed to see them for the first 24 hours. Paul can visit them as much as he would like, but I must wait a full 24 hours after my c-section before I can be wheeled in to meet my little girls. I'm sad that I will barely be able to touch them for the first few days...and may not be able to even hold them for a while. I'm sad that they will be fed through a tube at first, and that it may take days or weeks before we can try breastfeeding. But through all of my sadness I am thrilled that they will receive the very best care and that all of these sacrifices will be distant memories as the weeks and years progress. I'm sure this will be a rough ride at first, but I am confident that Paul and I will handle everything as well as two people can. I couldn't ask for anyone stronger, kinder, or more loving than my husband to take this journey with me. So in that respect, I feel very fortunate.
On a lighter note, babies are still moving around like crazy and Peyton has gotten really good at kicking mommy in the ribs. My most recent craving for ice has been satisfied by Sonic, being that they actually sell entire bags of their crushed ice for just $1.65. I get a few glasses of ice each day and just eat it by the spoonful. Sick, I know.
Here are a couple of 24 week pictures:
2 comments:
congrats on 24 weeks, that's a huge milestone! and i don't know why you wouldn't be able to see them for 24 hours after birth, unless you have them due to pre-eclampsia. i had to be on mag sulfate for 24 hours after my boys were born, so yes, i didn't get to see them for 24 hours, but i don't think that's the case for everyone. i hope not for you!
That is great you have made it 24 weeks! I can't imagine having a child in the NICU, but hopefully they won't be there long and you will have them all home with you before you know it keeping busier than you ever imagined!
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